But the connection between cash and accomplishments isn't so simple, especially when it comes to your kid. I absolutely cannot relate to your son at all. Don't be afraid to ask to talk to whatever counselor sees him most of the day -- by midweek the counselor may be able to tell you something useful, and you too can pay attention to how your son is before and after each camp day. And if they need a day at home, we do it...it's okay sometimes. It is healthy to have your own things that you like and your own activities to do and for him to have his alone time or soccer practice on weekend mornings. But what if you're doing it all wrong, and you don't even know? Do any of you have a kid like this? How do you deal with it? I am interested in reading your responses on this issue. Do this instead: What researchers did find is that it's effective to pay kids for the habits that lead to good grades. My youngest on the other hand ... well, my oldest and I might have to adjust our "on-the-go" ways to accommodate little brother's "homebody" nature. If it seems he never brings up wanting to hang out doing something together, that might be one of those little things. Read the directions of course but from what I can remember it had a diuretic, a muscle relaxer of some sort, and Tylenol. **************************** Or he just doesn't like going places? For them, going out and interacting with others is draining. And FORCE yourself to do it. If you bribe your child to do their homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility, then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. my 9 year old ds is like that. He sounds like me. At least he does not do this anymore, thank goodness. I let him invite a friend. eval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'mamapedia_com-box-4','ezslot_3',638,'0','0']));I can definitely read your frustration. He'll internalize the lesson that preparedness is key much better than if you glue the situation together for him, literally or metaphorically. He also needs some physical activity (trampoline is good but he could probably use more). Or if he's into building and programming, get him into Lego Robotics (serious robotics, not little-kid Legos! Does he want to stay home BC then he gets screen time? asks from Red River, NM on July 07, 2014 22 answers. You need a life too. When he was younger he almost always had huge tantrums when it was time to do something. Please talk with your son -- NOT when he is grumpy or has been told he must go somewhere and is peeved! My oldest son is an introvert at heart. Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. Earning something makes it yours and not anything that can be revoked. If your eventual goal is to raise a self-sufficient individual, picking up after your child undermines that goal. Plus I'm 19, I don't think they'd do anything … Does he do that but then come home talking positively and happily about what went on that day at camp? I'm not qualified to answer this but as a former introvert, I'm interested reading people's answers and seems to me you should try to breakdown what's going on. If he never goes out or only goes out with a huge chip on his shoulder, I hope he likes to read because tv/computer/video games/cellphone/etc is not going to be on his list of things to do. My so and so would never do such a thing, they say. You Swoop in if It Looks Like He'll Fail. Present it as a puzzle: I know that you have a temperament that has an easier time staying at home and that when we're out, you can get cranky and overwhelmed. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! He might need you to talk about how much time each week or each day he needs to spend on outings. Meaning, if you have to go to the grocery store and he only complains once or twice before going out instead of pitching a fit, that's an improvement. ie he is addicted in a way? If there is a screen (and again, not all kids get addicted), he won't want to leave the house. He never wants to go and it's like pulling teeth to get him out of the house. Rather than continue with the dynamic of threats and punishment, change your approach to one of praise and rewards. To give you examples : I take her out for a movie, where she also got pick and mix and a drink, she asked if we could go and buy a my little pony at the end of the movie during the credit ! I wonder, what is it about home that he wants so badly and he can't have at the pool? It made me promise myself to do better and never let my own children suffer the way I did. Posted May 15, 2018 Basically since I was a child she would leave me at home or with my friends/relatives and go out with her friends and party and stuff. One day, a new parent came up to me with his son in tow. At home he had to use his imagination, or be bored, etc. He is operating on subtle power play. So assume the best about your son and that he would much rather not have this kind of struggle with you all day every day. I feel like I can't change his personality...but perhaps one of you will have some good advice. Is he tired? But we don't let him do that all the time. ... And I don't think things are bad enough to call child services or anything. Thank you for posting. He would like to stay at home all the time. I would never....but he is much more like his dad than me. My oldest daughter is a very bright child open child. I hope you limit him to weekends only for game time in the school year. Your child will misbehave to get your attention in the future. (Also, check out these five good ways to make your child hate you.). But the motivation is to resist.The motivation is to do things their way, not yours. Recognize and reward it. I, too have had the attitude, I don't care what you want, you are going and not ruining this for everyone. I’m 24 weeks pregnant. since my son became like this later, I watched him go through his young years excited about doing some things. It's two days before your kid's big project is due, and he seems totally unconcerned about getting started. It's been 15 years so I'm not sure. There's no reason he can't take a book with him where ever he goes. Dinner was going to be perfect.. For once I had planned ahead of time, thought about every member of the family’s likes and dislikes, and had the perfect meal planned.. Do this instead: Researchers found that telling children they "worked so hard," when they succeeded made them more likely to take on challenges and actually enjoy them. Today I left the pool after an hour bc he was just sitting there sulking and wanted to go home. I would not just dismiss this as "Oh, he's an introvert, it's just the way he is." This is just a foreign concept to me. LearnVest Planning Services is a registered investment adviser and subsidiary of LearnVest, Inc. that provides financial plans for its clients. (He'll still get into college, we promise.) I mean, what's so great about sitting inside the house when there are places we could go? If he's 10 can he stay home alone for a few hours? I'll try to remember all the great ideas you've gotten when I have to deal with my little homebody :-). Perhaps he can have an hour per day free time to do what ever electronic thing he wants. Or pay them a nominal fee for every perfect homework assignment. When an adult child cuts you off, it can evoke powerful feelings of guilt, regret, confusion, anxiety, helplessness, and rage. My oldest is just like me. It's kind of hit or miss which one my boys respond to the best, but I use both methods at different times. I let the grump sit there and grump and ignore him, but it is a big pain. I had one son who turned into this type of person, but sadly he developed bipolar/depression later in life. It is helpful to teach him how to create a bubble around him when he feels overwhelmed by the #'s of people. My child just doesn’t seem to want to do any of the activities I set up for him. He hated any kind of transition. I just entertained myself and read and that's what made me happy. I have never met a parent who taught this deliberately. He has fun for a little while and then after about 45 minutes he just wants to go home. An engaged and interested kid won't be sulky at that time. Extroverts get a "pick me up" from going out to do things...they feel good after an outing and get energy from engaging with and interacting with others. Kids also perform better in school when they know that failure is part of learning. Introverts have the opposite method of refueling. He usually has multiple friends there who he plays with. Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. Or he may feel secretly that he's not as good at swimming or tricks as the other kids -- have you observed closely when he's in the water to see if maybe he's holding back compared to other kids, even though he gets candy etc.? He has to come along, but doesn't have to participate. Good luck! I have to say I'm really happy he will be in a camp all next week. They'll get better with age and it seems healthy to make them increase their social time slowly. Courtney Pococh - December 14, 2017. But dealing with him is such a drag. Do your own thing and find someone else who wants to do things with you. Yes, he would rather be watching videos or playing games. Additional: I realize I enjoy myself a lot more if I leave him at home, rather than bring him along only to hear him complain or try to rush me to leave. His desire to be at home cannot dictate your whole summer. Regarding the pool, that is something I wouldn't force with him, but it sounds like you don't want him home alone which I sure understand; I'd just tell him, your sibling and I want to go and you can't stay home alone, so bring a book and I don't mind if you go read in the shade or go in the water. I start looking for any excuse to leave the house, even if it's just going to the grocery store. the only solution is to take him somewhere so he has to get on with it and then he is fine.

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