You are a grown woman, for crying out loud, it is not your children’s decision nor your parents’ decision who you date. His new relationship wasn’t working for him because he entered it for the wrong reasons. It’s an exercise in personal power, because I am CHOOSING my own attitude regardless of what he chooses, what he deserves or how he behaves. I send the very same back to you too. Probably your ex is just like mine, a person who cannot be alone. For example, moving in together after a few weeks. How do you meet guys, in general? I also know that they’re always fighting and breaking up, so they can go ahead and wallow in that. Cheer up and keep your head up. He asked me to go out with him. He’s been gone 9 years now and the girlfriend is happily living her life. Lara, I have been where you are: launched as if by a sudden storm of righteous indignation into telling someone the ins and outs of how they have behaved badly. He broke up with me 4 months ago and is already in a relationship with a girl 10 years younger than him. Natalie often says “same guy, different package”. That is all you need to know. That’s why they usually quickly revert back to their old selves and break up due to the same relationship killers. They go back and then soon enough, the abuse cycle starts again. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Hi Jen, so if you are not on social media how are you communicating? Anyway, I told him I would like to get to know him more, and he turned me down but that he wanted to keep talking to me and get to know me. I’m worried about what this might mean to them as they get older and more aware, but I guess kids have to come to grips with being disappointed in a parent’s choices all the time. Got a last minute invite to dinner in the great concrete metastasis 100 miles away and decided my hen needed me more. I know a narcissist when I see one — and this man is a narcissist. Stop making endless excuses. Words are said. My kids said they love being with me and wouldn’t want to live with anyone else, they love the guy especially my toddler I know he has and never hurt them but not helping and all the drama he has me go thru actually is hurting them too and I have to fix it and let go. She had never heard of this guy. Lara, I think you did OK, you saw it for what it was, at the time that was right for YOU. “Recently I had to fight for additional custody to stop my ex from making the kids live with him at his sex-based commune on his time with them.”. Reminds me of a quote I just saw: “You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who have hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”. I think it’s that for those BR vets who have come to self-esteem via a path similar to yours, they recognize in the story you tell, and the amount of energy you put into the storytelling, the actions of a woman who might not know yet how she’s in fact leaving herself open to being disproportionately disappointed, shocked, hurt at others’ poor behaviour. I thought I didn’t send the right signals about my interest.. so I emailed him the following day, saying I would like to get to know him more, so I would love to see him again some time if he’s also interested.. he replies and gives me the “it’s not you it’s me” tripe, along with — he wants to know more about me, etc. He assumed I was still going to visit him and freaked out because he claimed to have spent money on a hotel room. If he sends you a letter or you get a text or email and it upsets you, the best thing you can do is to ignore it completely. Be thankful that you said no. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It was hard at first. It’s almost like he had either come with an agenda to really be rude, or did it subconsciously because he was already biased against me since he really wanted to go for that other woman deep down. When we lose ourselves, and so we forget who we are and what matters to us, it's time to halt. I would like to marry a man who values monogamy, commitment, responsibility, authenticity, and freedom of expression. My guess is that he will stick it out with her now? Being realistic is not the same as negative. I was in a relationship for 11 years and the manipulation started in 1st year. But it was so so so painful. The “BEING THERE METHOD” I talked about this a lot on a webinar yesterday and a lot of women told me exactly what you just said with someone using it on their ex and causing the breakup. Keep things friendly towards both him and her. It would have saved me a bucket load of pain. I was with my partner 11 years he was with someone before me for 4 years but before her he was with someone he never spoke about she flew back from Australia 16 years later and stole my life they have been so evil he said he loved me so so much then she came and he was gone just don’t understand heartbroken. (Update:  This post was  re-written by the website owner and relationship expert and Coach, Chris Seiter on June 26, 2018. We will also briefly touch on the scenario of if he ended the relationship for the purpose of rekindling a relationship with his ex, which is just the worst. He came crawling back, 4 months later I catch him with her again! I would work on yourself and show how you do not need him. If I want something, I will not hesitate to make my interest in it known. This guy is clearly into rejection. I was shattered, he told me he wasn't really over his Ex, I thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. And if he chooses her then you go into a NC and do not reply to him at all for 45 days, unless he tells you he ended things with her. I told him I’ve been around the block long enough to know that he used that statement to let me down gently because he wasn’t interested, and that it’s fine and that I appreciated that he let me know one way or another that he wasn’t all that interested (even though he really had tried to put me on the back burner, but I was just making a graceful exit at that point), told him it was good to meet him, good luck, and goodbye.”. Lara, perhaps you have made some progress from where you were, but you still have a LONG WAY to go. LOL! I’m with Rosie. He cheated on me repeatedly and then abandoned me. I just purchased The No Contact Rule. You are the steward of your boundaries and bandwidth. but I saw he added her on Instagram after a year. Some guys you should just neatly pack away and forget them forever. Okay, so your ex went back to his ex. Then AC disses me for being “negative”, no s@#$! Hi Tia, your question shows up as a reply to an old topic thread. The good thing is with skills you learn here its get easier to weed out the trash from the treasures. My tells me that I deserve better quite often. I am learning, but I do still put so much value in how others feel about me. Nothing to do with who he really is. I wish my brain had you on loud speaker. This kind of  ex boyfriend is not worthy of any more of your time and emotional energy. Why Is My Ex Trying To Get A Reaction Out Of Me? Danielle- You are backed into a corner but your children’s safety MUST come first! Forget him, he’s not worth one more second of your time, thoughts or energy. I think the problem might be that most men (insecure types anyway, which I think most men are) feel threatened by highly-achieving or intellectual/intelligent women. Slow your roll and give it a chance to get started. He hadn’t been on the online dating site for the past month. And when you succumb to these bad memories, you are giving him the power to reach from the past to hurt you again. 200: The One Where Nat and Em Hang Out. I broke it off with him because I caught him having intimate conversations with her still and not being a family man. I have worked with many people in this situation before. Is it him that has told you about his current situation?? He volunteered the information, for some odd reason. LOL! I can already hear your “it’s not fair to him” argument. Narc Buster.” If only there was such a service. Constructive criticism never stings. The relationship is draining cause it seems like we are both trying to hurt each other, keep bringing up the past, child like tantrums and not talking for days or even weeks, yet everyday he will text me sweet texts and saying he misses me, yet our relationship is not going forward, just circling around the same old. He a drug addict. It is important to keep in mind that abuse stings, but by taking the steps to distance yourself from a toxic relationship will be a decision you will never regret. So I got out of a relationship about 3 weeks ago. And I just received news that he was back with his ex after 2 weeks of breaking up. Unsuccessfully, I might add. He even told me by email (after mentioning the airplane woman) that I was a clone of his personality and he wants to be my friend for that reason. But some folks are forever hooked on drama. I’ve never tried the latter so I don’t know if that’s a better option than online. I wish him God’s speed. For starters, envision a girl who is sitting at a bar, surrounded by adoring men. No way, no how. Whilst I miss him (why) I do feel better without the anxiety and am not remotely tempted to chase him. It was just to bait me and call me names and be hurtful. So things are not standing still in that regard..oh also working on some career changes starting next year too. You said you were E-mailing this guy for two months. And for many people, the anger and the pain is just way too much to wish someone well right now. It's not that we have to jump ship, forget our goals or blame the other person, but what we need to do is notice the way that we’re going about things. He did almost 3 years ago and I will never stop missing him. As Mymble says I don’t know if she ‘loves’ me in a human sense, but I love her and she benefits and so do I. But when his ex admitted that she wanted him back, he felt incredibly validated. When your instincts said “he’s really being kinda rude to me” but your mind started the benefit-of-the-doubt rationalizing – that’s when the “pick me!” dance began, IMO. But with me he always use to say I can only have feeling with you in this thing.p.s I also had a abortion and he know how painful was it for me knowing all these thing how can he do this to me. Hate to burst your bubble but yes, you’re being naive to think that you should give this bozo the time of day. You see, Lara? Be happy he went back to her. And you should do the same. Rather, they want you to forget all the bad stuff actually happened. I’ve given men second chances that I didn’t have the spark with, because I found them interesting.

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